Jet lagged, 24 hours to Dubai
After 24 hours of recycled airplane air and ‘gourmet’ meals, I’ve landed in Dubai, jet lagged and still awake. And still trying to figure out how to message people from halfway across the planet without funding another billionaire’s moon base.
I belong to a cult of about 30 friends and family. Most are iPhone users, where messages float through the cloud in blue bubbles of serenity. And then there are the three Android mavericks whose texts pop up in green muck.
Usually it’s not a problem. iMessage just works. That is until you go international, in which case it turns into a 2003-era cell dependent SMS service ( thank you Verizon and T-Mobile.)
The Great Messaging Dilemma
So, naturally, there are alternatives, like WhatsApp, the world’s most popular messaging app, owned by the patron saint of privacy and data transparency himself, Mark “Meta” Zuckerberg. I can already feel my metadata being mined for the greater good of his next island.
Sure, it’s encrypted “end-to-end,” but how long before “end” means “until the next ad”? And let’s not forget the three-device limit, which is ridiculous for someone like me who lives in an ecosystem that rivals NASA in screen count.
Which brings me to Signal, a rare unicorn in the messaging swamp. It’s open source, billionaire-free, and remarkably ad-free. It’s almost suspicious in how ethical it is.
Seriously, if you have an Android, do the world (and me) a favor and get Signal. Think of it as digital composting for your conscience.
And before you say “Android is open,” stop. Google may be “not evil,” but let’s just say their search for revenue opportunities is endless.
Corporate Sidebar (aka Wall of Shame)
In fairness, none of these ‘tech’ companies are saints. Every CEO looks great in a shareholder meeting and less great in a shackles. Apple’s Tim Cook recently gifted Trump a ‘Made in America’ 24K gold glass disc (very “dictatorship chic”), and Samsung’s Lee Jae Yong has enough legal drama to get his own Netflix docuseries.
Their official line? “We have a fiduciary responsibility to our shareholders.” Translation: “We’ll do whatever it takes to make more money.
Existential Question
Could I switch to Android entirely? In theory, yes. The $300 Chinese phones look tempting. But no amount of money can smooth out the Android scroll lag. It’s like using a butter knife to spread mud. iPhones have that delicious springy scroll motion that makes doomscrolling feel like yoga for your thumbs.
And so, here I am, unable to text my Android peeps across the world because antiquated SMS technology ruins everything. I’ll have to email them this post, like it’s 2008 all over again.
Sometimes, the future feels a lot like the past, just more expensive and with worse ethics
Dr Bob, Brain Mechanic 